Regret means a feeling of
sadness, repentance, or
disappointment over something
that has happened before, esp.
a loss or a missed opportunity.
Regret is the Road to Suffering.
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Each of us suffers from
a terminal illness. Because
our days on this planet
are numbered. The countdown
begins on the day we are born!
Since we all will die one day –
isn’t that what that dreaded
C-word [Cancer] means to us?
Death…
And yet, we live like there is
no tomorrow. We postpone,
we don’t prioritize, we do
what we want to do rather
than what we need to do.
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And then one day,
we get told that we don’t have
long to live. We are given
a death sentence – that we all
carry from the moment we
are born – but when a date
gets added to it –
it becomes real.
And the rush begins.
To live.
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Each moment now seems
precious. But at some stage
of our lives, we understand
the true value of time.
Marc Levy told us how , in:
Value Each Moment
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When a dying person is
questioned about any regrets
they had or anything they
would do differently, what do
you think they say?
Didn’t earn enough money?
Didn’t work as much as they wanted?
Didn’t take enough vacations?
Don’t possess enough
gold or homes or assets?
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Surprisingly,
none of the above.
No!
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They all experience the
Stages of Grief – from denial,
fear, anger, remorse, to more
denial and eventually acceptance.
But each of them finds their
peace before they depart.
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The Top Regrets of the
Dying & the Lessons,
they Taught Me
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A palliative nurse, Bronnie
Ware recorded the most
common regrets of dying
in her 2012 book.
But there are many more,
and all are imbued with critical
life lessons that we learn,
but sometimes too late.
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The #1 Regret:
I wish I’d had the courage
to live a life true to myself,
not the life others
expected of me!
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- Most common regret of all, this is caused by “What will others say?” and other such limiting beliefs.
- It is on our deathbed that we stop thinking of what others think of us, and remember our lost desires and dreams.
- If we have any unfulfilled agenda in life, the time to work on our Bucket List is now – before we lose our health, and it is too late.
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The #2 Regret:
I wish I didn’t work so hard.
I missed my children’s youth
and partner’s companionship!
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- If we want to feel rich, all we need to count is the things we possess, that money cant buy. Then we can focus on the finer things in life, rather than our bank balance.
- We need to take charge of our lives – define our interests, goals, and needs. Which, for some of us, might mean creating boundaries for work-life-balance e.g., taking time off, not checking our email over the weekends.
- In the end, it is all about leading a Wholistic Lifestyle as mentioned below.
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The #3 Regret:
I wish I’d had the Courage to
express my Negative Feelings!
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- We often suppress our feelings to keep peace with others. This can lead to illnesses relating to the negativity piled up inside us like bitterness and resentment.
- We cannot control the reactions of others. Yes, people may initially react when we speak honestly, but eventually it raises the relationship to a healthier level. Or, it releases the unhealthy relationship from our life. Either way, we won.
- Regret may come from giving up something, but if we can focus on the gains & blessings accrued from the path we took, there will be no room for regrets!
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The #4 Regret:
I wish I had stayed in
touch with my friends!
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- Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
- And when it may not be possible to track them.
- Friendships slip away in our busy lifestyles, but when approaching death, it is not money or status that seems important, but love and relationships.
- But we can still pick up that phone – if we are out of touch with someone and want to reconnect, that friendship still might be salvageable.
- We can forgive ourselves for any failure to act in the past, and channel our energy into creating positive connections with loved ones and also increasing our circle of friends.
- And finally, it is better to follow the 3-point Formula for Healthy Relationships now than when it is too late.
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The #5 Regret:
I wish that I had let
myself be Happier!
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- Happiness has always been a choice under our control.
- We just don’t see it that way.
- Because we are stuck in our comfort zones – of old patterns and habits & familiarity.
- Change is stressful, and so we unconsciously avoid it – even if it is for the better.
- Now is the time to start small and integrate a specific habit or positive mindset shift into our everyday life.
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So, what is the Mantra
for Avoiding Regrets?
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- I often ask myself: how many of these regrets would I have If today were my last day.
- I look at how I’m spending my time today, this week, this month and see if there are things, I can adjust to make sure I’m focusing on the right things.
- There always are so the list serves as inspiration.
- Irrespective of our current age or health status, we must work towards a Wholistic Lifestyle as mentioned below, that will protect us from these common end-of-life regrets.
- So the next time we hear thought loops like ‘I wish I would have…’ or ‘I’d have been happier if….’, we use the same mantra that we use to deal with the rest of our negative thoughts & feelings – we trap that negative energy and follow the never-failing:
Read Next:
How to Comfort a Loved One in Grief
From the Book:
Coping with Loss and Grief
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And here are some
Simple 3-point Formulae
for a Wholistic Lifestyle
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3-point Formula
for a Healthy Body
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3-point Formula
for a Healthy Mind
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3-point Formula for
Healthy Relationships
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Positive Ink Will Never Let You Sink
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